So, there’s recently been a kerfluffle on the blogosphere about the issue of consent due to an inflammatory article by a college student, which lead to an equally unfortunate flamewar on the All About Romance blog about whether or not monogamous marital coitus is the only truly safe sex.

Well, I’m here to tell you: there’s no such thing as safe sex. Not in marriage, not out of marriage, not with a condom, not ever.

Sex is, at its core, an act of vulnerability. Whether it’s just skin-to-skin or heart-to-heart, it requires trust. It requires an inherently irrational leap of faith. And anyone who has looked at the statistics for divorce and adultery these days can just put out of their head any notion that a wedding ring or the word monogamy is going to magically protect them from all sexual risk.

It doesn’t. And in fact, even if your guy or girl never cheats on you, there are still myriad ways in which sex will always be a risky behavior. You will always be risking your health–even your life if you’re a woman of childbearing age. Much of the time, you will also be risking your heart, your emotional well-being, your sense of autonomy, and more.

If you want to be safe, don’t have sex. Don’t drive. Don’t leave your house. Don’t eat anything delicious. Don’t drink too fast or laugh too hard. Don’t live.

Life is risk. Love is risk. Sex is risk. And that’s what makes it worthwhile.